Small victories

Being male, I periodically use the men's room. Once in a great while, I enter the men's room to discover the urinal has been flushed since its last use. Today, I found the urinal devoid of urine on an unprecedented two consecutive restroom visits. I mean unprecedented quite literally. I've never seen it flushed twice in a day, even on non-consecutive trips. My patrons are learning!

Bah Humbug!

Nothing says holiday spirit like getting dissed by the chairman of the library's trustees.

For once, said chair was actually in the building, waiting for a meeting to begin and passing the time glaring at people checking out books. I happened to pass by, saw one of our regular patrons, and stopped to chat. Chairman saw what she was checking out & called across, "is that a new Cussler novel?"

Ever the reader's advisory librarian, I jumped right in. "Yes, it's Skeleton Coast."

"Oh, I need to run by the bookstore & buy it."

Heaven forbid that a library trustee actually check out a book from the library. Guess we, the poor serfs, should feel privileged just to be in the same room as the exalted one. And pull on our forelocks to show our respect.

Even Ebenezer Scrooge saw the light at the end. I don't think that will happen in this case. But how can someone be entrusted to the library's mission & well-being if they never use the place? And the higher-ups wonder why morale is low....

God bless us everyone this Christmas weekend (only 12 minutes to go until closing! And a 3-day weekend awaits)

New linoleum

"*Mumble, mumble, mumble* CHEEPah to replace the CAHpet?"

Seriously, Phony British Accent Guy. It's not just annoying, it makes you impossible to understand. Maybe you'd get an answer besides "I have no idea why XYZ" out of me if I ever had a clue what you were cockneying all over the place about.

Puzzlers

Three things I don't understand at the library:

1. People who complain that we've changed things drastically since they were last here, even though the change they're referencing happened nearly two years ago and I've seen them a couple times in the past month.

2. Why A Million Little Pieces is still in non-fiction.

3. Mysterious puddles of blood on the men's room floor.

Okay, number three is a slight exaggeration. They weren't puddles. But when the discoverer of said blood described it as "a couple drops," that was pretty far off-base as well.

Blogspocks

In some regions of this nation, I've noticed, people can't end words that end in "T" without substituting "CK(S)." Sometimes the "T" in the middle suffers the same fate. "Wal-Marcks," and "Picksburgh," for instance. It's not a speech impediment, it's a learned behavior that seems to be localized to specific communities, and it's not my imagination, my co-workers have noticed it.

A woman came in recently looking for information about a small town in Kansas. I had to ask her at least five times to repeat herself before I realised that when she asked me about "K'nook" she wanted to know about Chanute, and was not in fact trying to find rude ways of accusing me of being born much further north than I actually was.

Lab of the lost

I thought a Wednesday evening at the Ref. desk was boring. I was wrong.

One of our computer lab attendants couldn't come in this afternoon, so I'm subbing for her. So far I've:
1. Played Bookworm.
2. Played a (weak) clone of Zuma.
3. Handed out lots of little yellow cards.
4. Answered two questions.

At the ref desk, if I get two questions, one of them will be interesting, wierd, or mock-worthy. In the lab I've been asked to divide 36 by 120, and whether we have a paper shredder. In other news, I am, for the second time in my life, bored of the internet. The first time happened at the library as well.

Musings @ the Reference Desk

Why is it when a reader wants a book that's checked out, they are happy to put their name on the list for whenever it comes in, but when a computer user has to wait for a computer they go ballistic?

And why do they sit & stare into space rather than pick up a magazine or newspaper to read while waiting for the next available computer?

Why do people doing genealogical research feel compelled to tell you EVERYTHING about their family tree? And why does no one ever come up to the desk when I'm held hostage by a genealogist?

Why can't people just ask a straightforward question instead of skirting around the issue?

Why did the minister who called in with a reference question treat me like a minion who wasn't worthy to pick up the crumbs from under his table--even when I called back with more information for him after discovering he hadn't given me the correct name of the author in the first place?

When is the good-looking, erudite, wealthy man going to come up to the desk & be wowed with my book knowledge & ask me out to dinner? (so far my only offer has come from a 70-something one-legged man. Really.)

Library vs. Discount Store

Why do so many people come in to the library expecting us to supply them with their every need? I'm not talking about their informational and reading needs here but every office store item under the sun.

"Do you have a pencil?" OK--that one I can understand. Even scratch paper. But resume paper? Stapler? Tape? Paper clips? Highlighters? Calculator? Stamps? Do they think libraries get all the office supplies they need for free? And do they ever say "thank you" or offer to pay for them?

But the kicker came today. Yes, there's a plant that looks like it's on its last leg but I plan on trying to revive it--just haven't had the time to re-pot it yet. So, the ever-so-polite (but irritating as hell) woman points out to me "do you know this plant is dying?"

"Yes".

"Can I have it?"

"No".

She ambled off, but came back later to have half a magazine copied. And, of course, reached for the stapler to keep all the pages together. And complained when the stapler didn't perform as well as she wanted.

Fortunately, I kept myself from screaming at the top of my lungs. But I do wonder--why don't people who can discern the difference between a library and Office Max ever come up to the reference desk?

Chimerae

Her: I need to know about, I'm not sure what it is exactly, but someone told me about this program they're doing out in Wyoming where they're trying to breed beef cows with deer. See there's been a lot of draft (I assume she meant drought-I.B.) there so they don't have enough hay. So if they combine the deer with the beef cattle, they won't need as much hay to produce the same beef.

Me: I'm not really sure about that (as I'm powering on the computer, because she asked this as I was removing my coat while we opened -- my fault though, it was, like, two minutes after nine already.) I'm positive that a cow and a moose can't interbreed (don't look at me like that, think back, you remember the cow and moose couple all over the news several years back. That poor, infertile couple. That's gotta be hard.) I'd imagine cow and deer would be about the same situation, but let me see what I can find.

Her: Yeah, 'cause you see, the mule deer, they're pretty big. And deer don't eat much hay.

Me: (Attempting various search strings, all essentially meaning cow/deer chimera, but saving that for when I inevitably don't find anything.) I would think that to get the same amount of beef, they'd have to get the deer to normal cow size, and then the creatures would need as much hay as a regular cow. (This is my downfall, I'm already aware. I engage in conversations that I know I shouldn't, and am therefore the sounding board for every conspiracy theorist who wanders into the library. I need to learn to type with my mouth closed.)

Her: ...but the mule deer are big.

Me: ...

Her: I'm going to go do some research back here. (Points to either periodicals or computer lab, I wasn't sure which.)

This was one hour ago and I haven't seen her again, so I assume it was the lab.

In the Beginning

Non-librarians frequently look at me in disbelief when I relate stories about typical patron-librarian transactions in a typical day at the public library. "You've got to be making that up!", "That didn't really happen, did it?", or "Urban legend" are the usual responses.

But yes, people, we can't make up this stuff. No one's imagination is that fertile (well, with the possible exception of Robin Williams). We've often said we could write a long-running sitcom but no one would take the plots seriously. Because, really, would you believe a woman asking why her doctor wants her to have a "mammelgram"? Or the mother who wanted a video of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address for her son's school project and could not understand why we didn't have a copy of something that is non-existent?

So, the stories you read on this are true. Only the names and location have been changed to protect the innocent (which would be ourselves). And if you find yourselves doubting the veracity of what you read here I suggest you take a look at other reference/information/adult services librarian blogs (our personal favorite is http://lovetheliberry.blogspot.com/)

In the beginning was the word...and we get the last one, too.