I'm a liar, and unhelpful to boot.

"I'm looking for The Day After Tomorrow," the elderly woman at the desk told me. She paused, and I opened my mouth to ask VHS or DVD? when she began speaking again.
"I want VHS, but the lady downstairs said you don't have it." Again I opened my mouth to ask if she'd like me to order it, and again I am prevented from speaking.
"It's about Art Bell, you know."
"Well," I successfully spoke. "That makes it all the more interesting, doesn't it? I can probably order it from another library if you'd like."
"No," she told me. "I want to read the book. It's called The Great Global Storm."
We have no book called The Great Global Storm, nor do we have anything written by Art Bell. We do have a book entitled The Day After Tomorrow, but it's in no way related to the movie.
I check ILL. No Dice. I search Amazon for The Day After Tomorrow under books, and discover that not only is it written by Whitley Strieber, (lending potential credence to an Art Bell connection, if that makes any difference,) but it is in fact entitled The Day After Tomorrow and bears the same cover art as the DVD. This is, of course, not what she wants.
"No, that's not it. Art Bell wrote The Day After Tomorrow. He said so on his show."
"This is the one the movie is based on, ma'am."
"No it's not. That isn't written by Art Bell. Art Bell said he wrote it."
I check Amazon for books written by Art Bell. He co-authored The Coming Global Superstorm with Whitley Strieber, and I assume this must be what she's talking about. I show it to her, she decides that may be the right one, we find it on ILL, and she decides she doesn't want it.
"Are you sure?" I ask, feeling surprisingly calm under the circumstances. "It doesn't cost anything, it'll take a couple of weeks, but we'll call you when it gets here. All you'll have to do is come pick it up."
"No, thank you. I just wanted to know if you had the VHS. My neighbor was going to tape it for me, and I told him not to go to the trouble, but since you don't have it, I guess I'll just have to ask him to tape it after all."

Spring Break

Much to my surprise, this has been a quiet Spring Break for the library. Often times we're inundated with adolescents who have nowhere else to go & they decide that the library is the perfect place to run amok. But that's not the case this year, fortunately.

But there are the adults....

The majority are fine. Weird, odd, annoying but nothing out of the ordinary. But then there are those who make the hairs on the back of your neck stand straight up.

Which was the case yesterday.

The couple were straight out of central casting for Law & Order: SVU: he was a good 30 years older than his "date" (who we all first thought was his daughter--oh, my goodness, surely she wasn't!) & we first noticed them because they had "re-arranged" the furniture to accomodate their two laptops & allowed them to sit side-by-side on the floor as they worked. As I walked down one aisle of books I saw that they had apparently left without bothering to put the furniture back & went over to take care of it. Which is when I discovered that they had not left but were in fact hidden by the overstuffed chairs so I did not see them reclining until I was upon them and heard their loud, smacking, kissing noises. The perv said in a perfect Eddie Haskell tone, "oops, caught us" & I'm quite sure my disgust showed in every pore of my body (in fact, I felt like I needed to disinfect my eyes for having witnessed the sight). Unable to come up with a really stinging retort, I merely said that we usually had to deal with much younger types engaging in such behavior, moved the chairs back to their regular position, & walked away.

They left soon after, with smarmy comments to me, & I really wanted to ask her if she was so desperate that she settled for him. It's not like he's a catch, what with one ex-wife (possibly two although Andy thought he was still married. Well, it will be two soon enough). Or perhaps it's a sting operation to catch middle-aged pervs! (I really watch too many episodes of L&O)

But it's a spin that's less likely to turn my stomach. So I'll live in my little fantasy world where justice reigns supreme. At least until they return.

How True!

This was on the Fiction_L listserve:

Gres library law # 8: (Also known as the "Slips of Paper in a Jar Theory") Patrons randomly mix authors' first names, last names, gender, and various phrases and words of titles in order to come up with the author and/or titleof a book previously read and that they desire to read again.

Corollary: They will always remember the color of the cover correctly.

This person has obviously spent time on a public service desk!

Nom de somebody else

A woman called just moments ago with a list of books, all by the same author, to be ordered through interlibrary loan.

"Okay," I told her as I finished transcribing the list, "I'll see if I can find those and we'll call you when they come in."

"Would you like my name, its spelling, and my phone number?" she asked.

I wondered why she would need to tell me her name again, and it sounded like an easily spelled moniker, so I spelled it back to her myself.

"Okay," she said, pausing, "except that's the author's name. Would you like mine?"

I wouldn't have been able to spell her actual name, either, if I had already heard it.

All in a Morning's Work

Patron on Phone: "I would have returned your phone call earlier but the woman who answered the phone took three minutes to say "City Library", then she transferred me to the children's department. The employee in there told me to hang up and call the main line again rather than transfer the call. I'm sure they are very nice people but do they not know how to use the phone?"

(unfortunately, this is not a rare occurrence).

Patron in Person: "Can I use this computer?" as he gestures to the microfilm reader.

(this rarely happens, but it didn't surprise me)

Patron in Person: "Where are the papers for sale?" (I explain we don't sell newspapers, but we have them for people to look at.) "They told me downstairs you sell newspapers up here." (well, they don't know how to use a phone, either, so why would you believe them?)

Patron in Person: "I have a rash that my daughter couldn't identify so she told me to come to the library to find out what it is."

(look, we can barely function when it comes to answering a phone, why would we dispense medical advice? Fortunately, she didn't show me her rash)

Director in Person: "That man over there wants books by Tim LaHaye. How do you find out which are the new ones?"

(unfortunately, that's not a rare occurrence either since the director doesn't seem to know how to use the OPAC. But I know for a fact he can transfer phone calls since I get them on a regular basis).

Fortunately, I have a reprieve--lunchtime!