Until now I've only heard stories about her, especially the way she smells (one staff member saw her using the Lysol spray behind the desk to "freshen up"). The book discussion had just wrapped up and I was about to enjoy some cake and coffee leftovers when she crests the stairs.
She's wearing gray sweats, not clean. And she smells worse than dead animals.
She hands me a note: "CAb RANgooN".
I wish I could relate what she said word for word but I didn't understand most of it. When she speaks it sounds like someone gargling mouth wash- though I'm sure she's never done any such thing.
She's looking for a recipe, a VERY specific recipe of Crab Rangoon. She leans over the desk to see the results of my search. I instinctively lean away as she continues to wetly babble about what she wants. She actually spits on the innocent slice of cake between us.
At this point I'm pretty sure this recipe doesn't exist and I'm starting to marvel at how refined her taste for Crab Rangoon is while she obviously can't smell herself. At this point she is getting frustrated too, so she decides to just show me what she is looking for. Literally
I can't hide the look of horror on my face as she pulls out of her pockets three crumpled Crab Rangoons and holds them out to me in grubby hands. I throw up in my mouth and manage a "This is all we have, I'm sorry" while gesturing toward the cookbooks. Finally she too resigns and starts thumbing through our selection. I back away to the desk, toss the cake and dump out the coffee. I won't be eating Chinese ever again.
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From someone who was once you:
Fact No. 1) Prior to doing the job you do, I worked at a random taco place in the same town. Every time the patron you refer to so much as walked past the store, the owner would call the police. She didn't even have to look at the store, let alone come inside. God, I miss giving her the same yearbooks over and over ad nauseum.
Fact No. 2) This may be the best thing I've ever seen on the internet, and I've seen most of the internet.
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